A funeral for the old me
Oh my gosh, this year has been so beautiful. Damn this year has been horrible. It’s been all of it.
I should’ve realized it was going to be a wild year when a cat that looks like my grandpa showed up on my porch. I’m pretty sure he’s lived here longer than we have but just hadn’t shown up since we moved in last summer. He’s a fuzzy grey cat with long grey eyebrow hairs and a white beard with two points. He’s gruff and looks he’s been fighting since he was a kitten. He doesn’t move when you try to shoo him but he also doesn’t live here full time.
January, named for Janus the roman god is by far the most random beginning I’ve ever experienced. A two faced god with a thing for doors replaced March after Christ. Interesting that once he died a lot of stuff he was into became criminal. Radical empathy seems so unpopular in this Christian country.
I’ve moved away from making resolutions every January, now I think of a word or sentence in January that I’d like the rest of my year to look like. It mostly comes from trying to slow my life down more, I don’t think we should push ourselves to wake up when half our plane of existence is still resting.
I wanted to grow up so badly so I could have my freedom. Now that I’m an adult I intend to savor every moment of it.
I was unsafe for so long. I am safe and have everything I need. I love myself as I am as it teaches others to love themselves as they are. In our differences I believe there is sameness. That doesn’t take away my love for anyone. I simply know I could have been anyone as I try my best to love everyone.
There is no panic. There is no panic, scarcity or confusion. I simply know. I can’t articulate. I know.